Talk It Up!

The Power to Say "No"

There is a skill that many, many busy folks lack. A skill that if they could master, their lives would be easier,

simpler and more rewarding. A skill that would reduce waste, get rid of headaches, improve their sex lives and give them time for that candlelit bath they keep promising themselves. A skill that could help them to wake up feeling refreshed, energized and ready to face their day. It would benefit them more than a massage, a babysitter for the evening or an hour of yoga. And yet, most women (and quite a few men) refuse to learn this skill. They don't think it's possible to have.

What is it?

The power to say "no." A simple "no" to the extra project, to staying late at work, to being in charge of the bake sale, to helping a friend move. Why is this so hard for us?

I believe it's because we tend to feel genuinely excited about helping out. We're generous folks and social creatures. We want to help out the boss and finish up the project. We want to support our kid's school with brownies. We genuinely want to move our friend's sectional sofa across town. Human beings are social creatures, and one of our primary forms of interaction is doing favors for others. We recognize that we are part of an interactive society; we help each other.

All that being said, in our busy lives, we are miserable when we don't set boundaries for ourselves. Our true values and priorities will be lost if we don't set some limits on the activities we say "yes" to. I recommend taking a week to plot out exactly how you spend your time. Track it like a lawyer. For every 15 minutes of your day, make a note of how you spend it. How much time do you spend on your best client's account? How much time do you spend prospecting? How much time building relationships online? How much interacting with your kids? How much exercising? How much catching up with friends? How much on your favorite hobby?

After a week, you might be surprised to see that your stated priorities don't match how you actually spend your time. Are you spending a disproportionate amount of time with one client or one energy-sucking friend or activity instead of doing things that support your business and personal goals?

OK, now that we've looked at how we're actually spending our time, here's the quick and easy way to say "no" when you need to. For example, your boss asks you to take on a new project you have no interest in, but you still want to be seen as a team player:

1. Repeat the request:

   "So what I'm hearing is that you would like me to take on the Jackson case."

2. Get more information. Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions to find out what kind of commitment you would be making:

   "How much extra time would I be committing to? Would this take away from more important clients/activities? Would this include evening and weekend commitments? What skills are required for this? Would I have any support for this?"

3. Pause. Don't be afraid of silence. Saying an instant "yes" can get you into trouble; taking time to really consider the option makes you look thoughtful.
4. Say no without apology. If you have a suggestion for an alternate choice more suitable for the project, suggest it, but a firm and assertive, "No, I don't believe I can commit to that right now" is your best phrase for clearing your life of energy clutter.

For women in particular, the first few "no"s can be a bit painful. Truly, the guilt can be overwhelming every time we say "no" when someone asks us. However, you're no good to anyone if you're spread so thin that you don't remember what your priorities in life are. Say "no" and feel good about it--every "no" is more time and focus for your best clients, your personal growth, your kids and your "me" time.

What do you think?

DSSP #103: Radio Agers, Baby Boomers, Gen X and Y, oh MY!

Show Notes for Diary of a Shameless Self-Promoter #103: Radio Agers, Baby Boomers, Gen X and Y, oh MY!

Coming up on this week's show: communication with people of different generations--how to understand and reward them.

Direct download is here.

00:00 Introduction
Welcome to DSSP! Send comments to OUR COMMENT EMAIL: [email protected], call 206-209-0806 and be sure to check the Talk It Up! blog. Sounders are graciously provided by BuzzCutzAudio.com. If you're interested in podcasting, check out all the free resources at www.podcastingprincess.com

1:15 Announcements

• Heidi's Podcasting Your Passion class at Chicago's Discovery Center is back! August 11th, 6:00-9:00 p.m. Register here.
• Check out Empowering Women Network's latest podcast, The Women's Team

2:15 Communication for Intergenerational differences in the workplace

A review and commentary of a particularly interesting segment of Barbara Braunstein's audio series, Dealing with Different, Diverse and Difficult People. Understanding Radio Agers (born before 1946), Baby Boomers (born between 1947-1964), Generation Xers (1965-1976) and Generation Y/Millennials (1977 and later). Delving into misconceptions, values and ways to motivate each one--now that you understand, don't they seem less difficult?

23:50 Geek Girl Minute: Review of BlogIt!

A review of Typepad's new app, BlogIt, which allows you to post to your Typepad blog, Facebook and Twitter simultaneously, either from within Facebook or from your iPhone. Suh-WHEET!

25:00 Wrap-up
Why not recommend Diary to a friend? Send the link via email and spread the word! Visit us at Blubrry.com; email Heidi at [email protected] and don't forget to visit the show blog, Talk It Up! during the week, for articles and updates. Thanks for listening!

Trying out TypePad's New BlogIt App

I don't spend as much time in Facebook as others do (my Twitter addiction takes most of my time), but I'm warming to it a bit. And when I got the email from TypePad saying that I could post to Facebook, my blog and Twitter simultaneously using BlogIt, well, that just appealed to the efficiency goddess within me. I don't need more way to multislack (that is, simultaneously waste time in different ways, like checking LiveJournal while channel-surfing), but simultaneous posting? Saving time? Not having to remember to Twitter what I just posted the the blog? NOW yer talkin'!

And yes, I'll admit that what really got my attention is that TypePad billed this service as for the iPhone. What? I can easily post to my blog, Facebook and Twitter from my iPhone? Now THAT is something I can use! And no, I'm not blogging from the iPhone right now. But I can see the power of this program--the interface is simplified so that it would be easy to post directly from the iPhone. So even though I felt too silly to blog from my iPhone while still in my office, I'm already trying to come up with excuses to leave so that I can blog remotely.

Ah. I know. I'm doing a read for a French voiceover this afternoon. I'll blog from there. Wait for it.

Your Slides are NOT Your Presentation

Whenever I give a talk on effective presentations, I repeat this phrase over and over again, like a mantra:

Your slides are NOT your presentation

My point is that YOU are your presentation: your experience, your anecdotes, your expertise, your opinions, your research, your enthusiasm, your passion. Your slides (if they are decent) are nothing more than visual representations of your key points. Your slides only exist because sometimes, a picture is worth a thousand words, and they illustrate your point in a graphic manner more effectively than your rambling on for five minutes does.

If a participant ever asks for my PowerPoint "presentation," I am always happy to oblige, but with a caveat: it won't help much. Why? Because I am my presentation; the slides only occasionally help to support my points. Half my "presentation" is blank slides that I put up when speaking so that the focus will be on interaction with me, the speaker, instead of passively focused on the screen. What I recommend providing is an outline with links and bullet points in pdf format, usually available for download from the blog within 10 minutes of the presentation's conclusion.

Garr Reynolds in the excellent Presentation Zen blog recently posted about the CEO of Toyota banning the printouts of PowerPoint slides as handouts or "slideuments." He reports:

The problem is that in Japan—like other places in the world—there is often no distinction made between documents (slideuments made in PowerPoint) and presentation slides prepared for projection. They are often interchangeable. Sounds efficient, right? And it would be funny if it was not so inefficient, wasteful, and unproductive. The slideuments produced in Japan make understanding and precision harder when printed, and when used for projected slides in a darkened conference room, they are the country's number one cure for insomnia.

Why on earth anyone would want a printed version of a PowerPoint presentation is beyond me to begin with, but I can't begin to imagine the waste involved here. Printing out 20 or 30 slides that, let's be honest, it's unlikely anyone will ever really look at again, is pointless and vastly wasteful. So I have to wonder, why is it that presenters are printing these decks out? Why is anyone even asking for the printouts?

An excellent question. What is the motivation behind the demand for printed PowerPoint decks? I suspect the reason is a very simple and human one: audiences expect to sit passively during a presentation and have reference material available later for concepts that they didn't pay much attention to in the first place. Folks believe that the information is valuable and therefore must be present somewhere in a tangible form for later reference in a file cabinet. However, if you can't walk away from a presentation being able to summarize the presenter's three main points, is it likely that you'll be able to recall them six months from now, know where the slideuments were filed and pull them out for easy reference?

It seems unlikely. Personally, I can only remember one main point and perhaps three other pertinent bits of information from any presentation that I go to; it's a casualty of Social Media Stupor Syndrome. Or perhaps it's just my own mind starting to go. At any rate, the expectation that every bit of information I hear during a presentation simply doesn't exist. I'm happy to go home with a few links or websites I can save to del.icio.us and tag for reference the next time I need to write an article. But expecting to absorb every bit of supporting evidence the speaker throws at the audience just isn't within my realm of reality. I was a teacher for too long to expect that even the best of students can hear something once and recall it the next day; I was happy for them to walk away from each class with one or two discrete bits of knowledge that we could build on the next time.

What do you think? What do you provide to participants when they ask for a copy of your presentation?

No TSA security line: what's it worth to you?

After reading Guy Kawasaki's post about the Clear Card, I had to see for myself. Is this what I've been looking for?

It would seem so. For about $100, you give Clear Card your bio and background information and take two forms of government ID to an office in person. You submit a photo, fingerprint and iris scan, and when approved, just run through a kiosk at the airport and verify your ID.

Now the question: is giving up all your privacy and letting the government run constant background checks on you worth it? I'm not terribly paranoid by nature, but I'm still not sure I want the feds scanning my iris. Hmm. Now that I think about it, I think I'll just arrive at the airport 15 minutes early.

What do you think?

DSSP #102: How to Communicate with Americans

Show Notes for Diary of a Shameless Self-Promoter #102: How to Communicate with Americans

Coming up on this week's show: for conversations or presentations, how to communicate with Americans.

Direct download is here.

00:00 Introduction
Welcome to DSSP! Send comments to OUR COMMENT EMAIL: [email protected] and be sure to check the Talk It Up! blog during the week! Sounders are graciously provided by BuzzCutzAudio.com. If you're interested in podcasting, check out all the free resources at www.podcastingprincess.com

2:00 How to Communicate with Americans

Check out the full blog article here; the summary:

1. Get to the point quickly
2. Stick to one main point
3. Provide concise supporting evidence for your one main point
4. Allow one-third of your allotted time for questions

15:00 Wrap-up
Why not recommend Diary to a friend? Send the link via email and spread the word! Visit us at Blubrry.com; email Heidi at [email protected] and don't forget to visit the show blog, Talk It Up! during the week, for articles and updates. Thanks for listening!

How to Communicate with Americans

As I spend more and more time with internationally-based clients, I've noticed some communication issues coming up that are specific to the cultural differences. In a recent conversation, I was speaking with a German executive about the structure of his latest presentation. It went over well, in truth, but there were a few improvements typical to this type of marketing presentation that might have increased the presentation's effectiveness that I was surprised hadn't been suggested. When I made the suggestions, his response was that he'd heard those suggestions, but the Europeans loved this type of presentation, and if they made those changes, it would be "dumbing down" the presentation too much!

Ah, yes! Half of me wanted to entitle this article "We Dumb Americans," or "Dumbing Down Your Talk for Americans," mostly because having a sense of humor about your communication style usually gets a chuckle from those not from this country.

The simple truth is that there is a way that Americans in general (and please forgive the HUGE cultural stereotyping) prefer to be communicated with. Here is what I tell those from Europe and Asia about Americans. This is the big secret to effective communication with us: treat us like we are dumb. Treat us like we have the attention span of a gnat.

Now, no, we're not really stupid, and most of us have a reasonable attention span. Some of us are darn bright. However, universally, when I explain to a European or native of India how to communicate with Americans, the response is, "but that would be treating them like they're so stupid!" 

No, it would be treating us like we want to be treated by respecting what we value and expect from a conversation or presentation. Let me explain. The tips I usually give for conversing with or presenting to Americans are these:

Get to the point quickly. Whether you are in conversation or giving a marketing presentation, within the first 30 seconds, you must tell us why we are communicating and what the ultimate goal of it is. If you do not share this information within 30 seconds, we will pull out our Blackberries or iPhones and get some work done. We are the kings and queens of Getting Things Done, and if you don't tell us outright how you are going to make our lives easier with this conversation or presentation, we're going to get back to work. We consider our time precious above all other things, so if it seems like you're wasting it, we'll find a way to end the conversation or ignore the rest of your presentation. Keep in mind that we don't mind long conversations or presentations--as long as we know the point and have its potential value to us stated up front. We'll get into it and talk for hours, but you need to let us know up front what you want from us and what we'll get from listening to you.

Stick to the point--one main point. Yes, our attention spans are shorter than for most people you know, so the conversation or presentation needs to be about one main topic. Again, we are busy; we value productivity. Don't throw five other issues or benefits of your product into the conversation; some personality types can handle that, but keep in mind that most of us are insanely busy and won't have time to explore five topics at length. We value brevity and clarity. Don't ramble on and throw out jargon to look smart or show off your degree; we don't care. Give us topics/questions/issues one at a time and keep the conversation or presentation on that topic.

Provide concise supporting evidence for your one main point. Keep in mind that in grammar school, Americans all learn to construct the perfect Five-Sentence Paragraph. For those who didn't grow up in the States, this is the ubiquitous structure:

1. First sentence: Introduction. State your thesis. (Tell us what you are going to tell us.)
2. Sentences 2-4: Supporting evidence. Each sentence supplies one piece of evidence to support the main thesis. (Tell us why.)
3. Sentence 5: Conclusion. Sum up the thesis and supporting evidence. (Tell us what you told us.)

An example:

Introduction: Today, I will show you how to increase production line efficiency and decrease waste in your process, saving you time, money and your reputation with a product called WonderWidget.

Supporting evidence:
1. WonderWidget has been around for over eight years, and our customers report an average savings in production line waste of 22%.
2. It's easy to learn how to use; even beginning engineers become proficient after just one week of training.
3. Most of all, companies using WonderWidget report an increase in sales when competing against companies who aren't using this technology.

Conclusion: WonderWidget is the trusted tool for increasing production line efficiency and can save you time, money and your reputation with your customers.

If you want to have a successful conversation or marketing presentation with or for Americans, try following this structure. Yes, it can seem idiotic to those who didn't grow up with the perfect five-sentence paragraph mentality. You might feel that you are dumbing down your content or treating us like we're stupid. You're not. You're adapting to our communication style, which values brevity and clarity. What you are doing for us is summarizing out of respect for our busy, hectic schedules. You are summarizing your main point and presenting it to us in a nice, compact, concise package that we are familiar with.

Allow one-third of your planned or allotted time for questions. Keep in mind that AFTER you present us with the nice, concise package, we will then most likely begin to ask questions--and that is where you can go into more detail and expand on the five or six benefits that you didn't get a chance to mention in your summary. If you're giving a presentation, allow one-third of your allotted speaking time for questions. If you've done a good job of summarizing and supporting your main point clearly, we'll have lots of questions that allow you to delve into more detail. If you're in a conversation, the same thing is true--after you've made your case concisely, we'll probably want to ask questions and talk more.

Tip: You might be tempted to anticipate our questions and address them in your main presentation or conversation--don't. We also value engagement, and if you answer all of our questions up front, we'll see no need to continue the conversation. We'll just walk away, figuring we know everything we need to know. And you'll lose a valuable opportunity to communicate with us because you haven't given us a reason to engage with you. We want to be engaged; you need to provide us with a reason to continue conversation with you. Leave us wanting more! Give us the basics first, and then engage us by giving us space for two-way communication about your topic or product. We are a curious lot, and we'll learn more about your product or topic if we are asking the questions and engaged in two-way communication about it.

So while it may seem that you are "dumbing down" your conversation or presentation when you follow these tips, in truth, most Americans will respond well because you are valuing their time and giving them a chance to engage with you. You are respecting our desire for brevity and clarity and giving us a chance to direct follow-up questions about your product or service so that we can continue to engage in the conversation.

Plus, once you get the hang of this structure, presentations are dead easy to write. ;-)